Observing as a way to heal
I'm not perfect. I don't always say the right thing. I am often triggered by the actions/words of others. But not as much as I was in the past.
People often feel they have the right to tell others how they are suppose to live, love, work, think, behave, worship, and even post on fb. They can think they have that right as much as you think you do. The difference lies in what YOU choose to do with that information.
I observe, more than I react now. I take the time to rationally read/listen to their words and sit with it for some time before responding...if at all. Why? Because that person doesn't really know me. They aren't in my body, living my life, dealing with the torture, torment, and bliss of living the life I have lived and live currently. Nor are they in your body, thinking and living with your thoughts, fears, or perspectives. They don't know what is right for you, nor I.
When we observe without becoming emotionally involved, we are better able to determine the validity of their words. Maybe they are beneficial...maybe they are just hot air from a wounded, and hurting person. Maybe there's a mix of both.
With the observer as my choice, I can decide how I want to process their words. Lately, I've found that their words are not beneficial, can be incredibly hurtful, and not necessary for my growth. I get to decide if I want their words to help, or hurt me. If I see that their words are from their lack of healing, jealousy, or ego...I ignore them completely.
A client recently told me that she has learned how to be the observer during family gatherings and how it has helped her so much to avoid the pain, guilt, and abuse of their behavior. THAT was what I had been hoping for her. She found it :)
It's an inside job, this healing work. I can hold space, offer thoughts, questions, even give energy healing...but it is up to the individual what they choose to do with it. We are on a continuous spiral of healing. Taking a step back and looking at it as the observer...instead of the emotional being/victim...we have that ability to see what WE need to do, instead of what someone else thinks we need to do.
Your healing comes, and continues, when you take ownership of that work and observe, rather than feel, everything others say/do to you. Then you get to choose if they are toxic, and can cut them from your healthy life :)