New Moon Healing
Today, I woke a bit later than usual. But I woke feeling happy with my world. I took a shower, texted with my husband, and got dressed. Then I started feeling irritation, and resentment. I could feel it building. I have no reason for it...it was just there. I tried to do the things I needed to as fast as I could so that I could move past anything that might exacerbate my irritation illusion. Yes, I called it an illusion. Because it is. It isn’t a real feeling from something that I could explain. It was an illusory feeling that had no bearing in my present life.
How often do you find yourself irritated, or upset and quickly find a person/thing to blame that feeling? How often do you notice that you blame when there is no reason?
For me, I feel the emotions and instead of attaching it to David, or some other being...I try to shift it. It becomes difficult to keep it from attaching to someone/something. I have found that it takes sensing it coming, and then shifting my space so that I don’t do that. Today was one of those times.
It’s the new moon. I’m on my moon cycle (aka menstrual) and it’s the holidays. It’s grey and raining. All of those can contribute to emotions that I have less tolerance to move through. Mainly the new moon aspect.
The new moon is considered the dark side, it is without light. All of those emotions that we have buried, the deep things, the bits we just haven’t finished working with yet...or just some that we haven’t really looked at yet. Those things want to be brought to the light...they want to be seen, and sorted. Pushing them back down only makes it worse, including our physical health. It is so very important to look at these things as they come up and to work through them.
Mine began by wanting to go to the store and buy water. I don’t like having less than five gallons of drinking water on hand. I was down to two. I also haven’t been feeling well with my demon cramps, and lingering cold symptoms. But David was on his way home for lunch and I know how much he wants to see me in the middle of his day. But I was irritated that I had to pause my momentum to care for him! Not like me. Then I opened the front door and saw a package for me. It’s an early Christmas present from him. I knew what it was because I picked it out :) so I opened the box. I held the shoe in my hand and felt the tears come hot and sad. He walked in the house at that time and tried to hug me, but I had to wave him off because I wasn’t ready to cry. Then I had to explain why I couldn’t hug right then.
It’s important for me to be in a certain space to process old feelings. I needed to go buy water, and I needed to get out of the house. I left him to the sandwich I made for him, kissed him and got in my car.
I called my dolphin friend, Hope, as soon as I got into the car. She answered by singing “I’m in a mood, fair warning”. Perfect, so am I.
She said that she’s noticed some things recently, I cut her off because I knew where she was going. I said the new moon does it. She said that’s what she’s noticed. So, we talked about the deep feelings we have both been feeling. I told her that the shoes he bought remind me of my first pair of pointe shoes that my grandmother bought for me. I had JUST started on pointe after my parents’ divorce, and was so excited. My father told me that I had to quit because I was being a selfish, greedy child. My mother couldn’t afford to pay for my dance classes. So, heartbroken, I quit. Later I found out that my grandmother was paying...he just manipulated me. He didn’t like that I took the classes, that I loved it and it made me feel good. So, he found a way to manipulate me to quit. Bastard.
So, the sadness from that flooded me. My grandmother, whom I loved as my hero, had paid for something I never got to use. All because of someone’s jealousy and control.
I was then angry because I thought I finally had let go of my childhood pain...but here was a piece that needed attention. And Hope was there to listen, and need my help as well. So, I found an outlet to discuss these things. She got to work through hers as well, and we found some peace.
Interestingly, my mother texted during this time. I sent her pics of the shoes and just said it made me cry. She responded with: “Oh wow. Yeah, that brings back broken heart memories for you.” I replied “damn that dick” Mom responded with “I know. Things we have to get past. But we still remember.” Me “Yes! Thank you for understanding” and mom’s perfect response: “You’re welcome, I only just wanted you to fulfill your dreams and be the best you that you could be. And how you loved to dance, a talent you did not get from me. Although I wanted to do tap and ballet too and Dayle broke her arm so that ended for me too.”
Mom got it! Wow, just that validation from her healed so much. And then to see her pain, where she missed out due to her sister’s broken arm...sad. But she was able to be there for me without weighing it down with her own pain. We’ve come a looooooong way in our healing.
This may seem insignificant to you, or it may make complete sense. The main point is that we all have emotions inside that still want a release. Those emotions can piggy back on just about anything, and it’s important to know if someone deserves your wrath...or if your irritation is based on something that has nothing to do with that person. We have to stop and look before we attach those to someone/something else. The new moon is excellent at showing us those things. And a new moon fire ceremony is excellent at helping us to release when we are ready. The new moon is potent, and different ones bring different gifts. This one brought the gift of release, and healing talks with Hope and my Mom. HUGE.
What is the new moon showing you today? What is going on that you are struggling to release? Is it connected to the person you may be spewing your irritation toward? Or is it something that has zero to do with that person? It is so vitally important to really look at your emotions before you express irritation, or pain toward someone that is innocent in that situation.
Writing this tells me there is so much more for me to write about to fully express the nuances of separating our emotions from our immediate thought patterns. I will do that soon...But keep it in mind when you are angry...it may be piggybacking on a pain that has nothing to do with the person getting your daggers.
New moon ceremony: For when you don’t have a big fire...if you have a big fire, use it instead of the candle
Get a candle, sage (or palo santo), a piece of paper, and a writing utensil.
Go to the space that is sacred for you...even if it is your kitchen table. I have used space in my bedroom, living room, and now I have a full room for sacred space. Have the things around you that feel are sacred, or beautiful. I tend to have a few of my stones, maybe a picture of someone I love, a feather, etc.
Clear the energetic space with sage, or palo santo. Just light it with the intention of clearing the space of any negativity. You can say a little prayer about clearing the space so that you can flow in your own emotions and words.
Light the candle and meditate for a few minutes. Five should be enough, but more or less is entirely up to you. During this meditation, you are allowing yourself to relax and come in tune with your higher self. Set the intention before you meditate to allow your higher self to guide you into what you need to release, and what you want to manifest.
Write down on a piece of paper what you want to release. I sometimes simply write: I release what is no longer for my highest good. Now, write down what you want to see manifest in your life. DREAM BIG! Let no doubt control this aspect. You are writing your desires, be specific! Now, write down what you want to see manifest for the world. I tend to go with: May all sentient beings know love, beauty, and security. May the world heal and operate for our highest good. But you write what you truly want to see that is about LOVE. No hate here, it will backfire on you in ways you don’t want to think about. IF you have a big fire, you can blow your prayers (the words you are writing onto paper) onto a stick, or leaf and place that into the fire. In big ceremonies, I use a stick for each: individual release, manifest, and the earth prayer.
After you have written them down, or blown those same prayers into a combustible (fire/leaf/etc), the place one at a time in the fire. BE mindful if you are using a candle...it may be better for you to not set the paper on fire!!! When I have done that inside a home, I did it over a sink… or just don’t burn it inside at all...and take the papers with you to a water source, blow those words into a leaf, stone, or stick...and toss in the water. If you have no river/creek, then blow it into a leaf, stone, or stick...and leave on the ground outside. It’s your intention released once you say it/write it down anyway. The rest is ritual.
Once you have released your words “prayer”, sit with your ceremony a minute more and then close your ceremony by thanking the Universe/God/Goddess….whatever works for you.
Enjoy your release and be grateful for your manifestations!! Love