Are you broken? NO, you are not
I hear too often "I'm broken", or "S/he is broken". I know that feeling, and I'm here to tell you that you are not broken. You have been through some hell, your shell that you used to protect all of your truth is only what is breaking. Your truth, your strength, your personal power, your heart...it's still there in one piece!
As your shell breaks, more of your light emerges! It's painful, often incredibly so. But if we think in terms of how, like the snake, we have to shed our skin to shine...to grow, to allow the true beauty to be seen...then we begin seeing it with different eyes.
One of the first steps in Shamanism is going through the medicine wheel at the South node. In that, the serpent is the archetype and the serpent teaches us to find the 3 hooks that will help us to shed our old, flaky, unyielding skin that hides our beauty. For me, my 3 hooks were my dad's abuse of me, mom's boyfriend's that molested me, and finally my rape at 19 which resulted in pregnancy and an abortion. During the release of those things, I found I was not forgiving myself for the abortion. I had released the rape, but not my pain from giving up my one chance at a baby (as far as I know now). I literally birthed that energy from my womb during that shamanic healing, and have finally released that trauma.
I felt broken. I was told I was broken. I was told that no good man would want me because I was so broken. I believed that, and hurt myself more with men that weren't good...because I believed that was all I deserved. That was not true!
It hurt to realise that most of my pain came from the way I behaved, and thought of myself because of the abuse, trauma, and words of others. I took responsibility for my behavior. I have literally gone back in time in my mind and saw those behaviors, and forgave myself. I honoured that path, and saw the determination to survive. I let go the pain that I caused myself due to the pain others inflicted upon me. I forgave ME. I feel that is the most important one for us to forgive: ourselves.
When we forgive others out of some idea of necessity...we often forget to forgive ourselves for the lies we accepted. We hold some responsibility there as well. This is NOT victim blaming!! They were at fault, and fully blamed for what they did with their words, actions, etc. However, when we act a certain way due to that...then it is our responsibility. We have chosen behaviors that hurt, and that is what we forgive. And it is not fueled with self hatred, or shame...it is fueled with love and understanding. When I began forgiving that in myself, I found that my heart felt lighter. I was in a better position to love others, because I was now loving myself fully.
My life has changed dramatically because of this work. Going back and seeing my 18-38 yr old self, and understanding why she chased after these guys that were no good for her, why she gave of herself in ways that hurt her so deeply, and why she wore a mask. I spent time with myself at those ages, and understood, then I could forgive myself. And the freedom of that my new skin shone through :)
There is much more I will write about this in time, but I feel this is a good stopping place to at least get your thoughts churning on that for yourself. Forgiving others is one thing...but forgiving yourself??!! THAT is the highest order of LOVE <3 That is where you find healing.
I will leave you with this: The Japanese Art of recognizing the beauty in broken things takes gold, silver, etc and puts the piece back together. It's recognising the beauty in the piece, and seeing it's worth. Then it is even more beautiful, to me, for having gone through this restoration process! YOU are beautiful. YOU are worthy. <3
www.skyeburns.com
www.facebook.com/skyeburnsshacklefree
link for audio of Skye & David's shows about healing: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCK3MCat8RrPrNS0rky6x6Eg
Link for the Japanese art mentioned above:
http://makezine.com/2015/08/17/kintsugi-japanese-art-recognizing-beauty-broken-things/
and http://mymodernmet.com/kintsugi-kintsukuroi/
