New Year 2019 Tarot reading

Happy new year!!! According to my intuition, and this first tarot reading of the year...it's going to be a good one. <3

It starts with feeling the comfort of an older, wiser woman...could be as I embody that energy, but I can think of a few women that it speaks to in my life that fulfill that need for me. I thank each of you for being here for and with me. It is Ireland for me as well <3

I am directing that grand/motherly compassion and emotional connectedness for myself when I need it. I haven't been so good at that in this life. I'm good at giving it to others, but not myself. This year, that is changed.

I need more time with water, and the ocean. I will make more time to sit with her. I need time of meditation to connect with my intuition in a more structured way. Like, part of a daily regimen...my intuition is strong, and I gain inspiration from most everything. I will not dismiss those things so easily now. This also goes back to that nurturing energy that I need from myself.

I've gotten trapped in spaces of mind scarcity. Fears, loss, depression...I couldn't see what I had healed...how gifted I am, or how my life is...due to those pained places. I let them take over last year...it was a great lesson in shifting focus from feelings of scarcity to that of gratitude for all that I have. My brother's death was the tip of that iceberg. Last year was a complete set up to work through those tortured feelings of loss, pain, and scarcity...and then getting so low that death felt like the only option. I had a choice. I chose to live. I chose to get anti-depressants to help me as I healed yet another layer on this spiral. It has really felt like the hardest one. But I choose to heal. I choose to love. I choose to feel gratitude for all of my gifts .

I basically spent all of 2018 depressed. It just got worse and worse. I had no desire to do anything. I didn't even care to go to Ireland. THAT proves to me I was depressed deeply. Ireland always heals me. She reminds me of my truth, and comforts me like a mother/grandmother would. Like a maternal goddess. (which Ireland is for me) I couldn't get excited about much. It took me almost all of my time in Ireland to start FEELING joy more than sadness and grief.

There was just one thing after another last year...sickness, death, social justice...I got lost in the pain, and couldn't see the good. I will look to the good/healthy more now.

The first four cards really speak to what I've written above...the last three show that I have made the shift 😍🌈

I am now able to accept all of the abundance that the Universe brings my way of every good/healthy/love-filled thing/being. I will go after those things that are my desire, and with a determined focus, I will then enjoy the fruit of my work. RIGHT now, I can sit and enjoy so much because of all of the work I've already done. I need to sit and focus on that. It brings me back to the beginning where I wrote that I need to learn to nurture me better. I don't often see what I do that is good, that changes now.

I've worked hard to be where I am currently. It isn't at the top of my mountain of dreams...but it is at a top of a mountain that I have climbed. I have succeeded in ways that I only imagined. I have incredible intuition, gifts of healing, compassion, kindness, a wise mind, a loving heart, an amazing husband, beautiful home, incredible travels...and family (friends I call family) all over the world!!! What a fucking gift! omg...the tears coming. Yes, this is what I need to see: What gifts I have. Not what I feel I am lacking. Focus on the abundance of love and beauty already in my life. Look at my accomplishments...don't dwell on what I don't have. It just keeps the lock on scarcity.

I can rest in this safe place. I am protected, and loved. I have what I need. My optimism and hard work have been given assurances of stability, security, and now I have a foundation that allows my inner confidence to grow, bloom, and build my dreams!

The final card...Page of Wands. Instead of writing my own words and paraphrasing the book...this card "is a messenger of good news. She brings ideas and a creative outlook on life that illuminates any room. Her vibrant, youthful energy is powerful enough to spark a change in direction or push an original project forward. She loves adventure, and although she is ready to travel anywhere her wings will take her, she is not reckless. The Page brings free-spirit energy to the situation and is prepared to take in all the world has to offer." (This card actually sounds like me...like my fave bits of me)

Humans, we always think we are the only ones dealing with whatever strangeness we see in ourselves. Never realising that we are not alone...at all.

I have a deep connection to crows, and ravens. As I do many animals and plants. But this deck, is my favorite.

I see this spread today as telling me of my past...and lining me up with my present, and future. It feels spot on.

May we all feel the love of the universe, the peace of love, and the truth that even in strife...love remains, we only have to look for her.